


Waiting to be Said

by flickerthenflare



Series: All Your Life You'll Dream of This [5]
Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Royalty, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-19
Updated: 2015-02-19
Packaged: 2018-03-13 17:45:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3390554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flickerthenflare/pseuds/flickerthenflare
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tragedy strikes the palace in the midst of Prince Blaine’s 18th birthday celebrations, and leaning on Kurt for comfort brings Blaine to a new realization.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Waiting to be Said

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings for minor original character’s death.

Packing makes Kurt’s room into chaos, and he tries to bring order to it with color-coded sticky notes. He marks his most essential things, but he has a funnier way of defining “essential” than he expected when he started his color-coded system. At the moment, there is no way he’ll be able to fit all the “essential” items in his car even if he weren’t obligated to save half the space for Rachel.

He plucks one of a slew of recent magazines featuring Prince Blaine off his shelf of royal family news articles, magazine features, and documentaries. Kurt’s most thoroughly documented section of royal pop culture news begins with Prince Blaine’s coming out video that catapulted him to the center of Kurt and the kingdom’s attention. Now, adoring everything Prince Blaine says or does is a national hobby. Kurt wouldn’t be able to keep up with it if he didn’t adore Blaine even more.

Maybe Blaine will say yes this time and put an end to his mixed signals that have stretched through the end of Kurt’s senior year. Blaine’s birthday is days away, and Kurt intends to surprise him with the news of his relocation. A person shouldn’t be a present, but Kurt suspects Blaine will be delighted anyway, and Blaine’s delight bodes well for his wooing.

Or maybe Kurt can leave his obsession behind when he starts fresh. Maybe he doesn't need to hold out hope for a handsome prince with a hero complex and an inability to make up his mind.

Kurt puts a “maybe” sticker on the whole shelf.

His dad watches from the doorway with the mix of sadness and pride that Kurt has seen since his graduation. "You can come back for the rest, you know. As many times as you want. You don’t have to move out all at once."

Kurt sighs in feigned weariness at the necessity of his father’s advice. "Rachel is not going to respect my 10 box maximum."

"I'd worry more about the _size_ of those boxes if I were you."

Kurt surveys at his own half-packed boxes and feels proud of what he's done. He’s been so focused on getting out, especially in the last stretch of his senior year. In a few days he’s leaving high school and his hometown behind. He and Rachel will cram as much as they can fit in his Navigator and set out from there. He’ll have room to thrive in his new city. He’ll be a new version of himself.

It’s just far enough away to feel like a new chapter in his life. What he’ll do when he gets there is less clear.

The silence breaks for what they both know is coming. “Tell me you’re not going for him.”

Burt doesn’t bother to clarify who he’s talking about.

“Feel free to assume I have selfish motives for all my actions,” Kurt says lightly. No matter how he dreamed of being whisked away, he did it on his own, and getting out is for his own sake. Even if Blaine decides he doesn't want Kurt after his prolonged period of deciding not to decide, Kurt will want to be in the hustle and bustle of a city that actually has art and culture and a population large enough to decrease Kurt’s chances of always being the most unusual person anyone he encounters has ever met. He’ll still be plenty interesting, but ‘interesting’ won’t always mean ‘freak.’

Of course, he still has hope that, with time, Blaine will know what he wants.

He takes a moment to type out a text message for Blaine. _It doesn’t have to be ON your birthday, but give me a time. I want to see you again._

To his dad, he says, “I won’t do anything stupid.”

“You can always come back,” Burt repeats.

Kurt’s phone vibrates with a rapid-fire series of texts from Blaine.

_We don’t HAVE to do anything for my birthday!_

_Although of course I want to see you!_

_I have something in mind. Details to follow once confirmed. ;)_

_I think you'll like this one._

Kurt isn't sure whether to get his hopes up or not. He’ll figure it out soon enough.

***

“I wanted talk to you about making my birthday plans come true.” Blaine bounces on his heels in the doorway to Emma’s office. Wes once again proves to be amazing at the internet and finds a mixed-LGBT club that allows 18-20 year olds in some nights. Blaine immediately begins making plans. “I know you want a say in anything I do outside of the palace, but it’s also my birthday, sooo….” He smiles winningly.

Emma looks up from tidying the neat piles on her desk. She gives Blaine a welcoming gesture to step inside. "I saw the forms. Given the exacting detail, I’ll assume Prince Wes filled them out for you, but why only request Santana for security? Have you had a problem with Sam?”

“Of course not,” Blaine quickly insists. While Santana swore to protect Blaine’s life, Blaine won’t presume his personal safety if he outs her, especially when she begrudgingly agreed to check out the club as long as it was just the two of them and she was officially there as his guard. “It’s just, um, hard to seem _available_ with Sam hovering around. He’ll scare all the respectful ones away, and I’d rather date a perfect gentleman.”

Emma smiles in amusement before forcing a serious tone as she adds another tentative caveat. “As Captain Beiste may have mentioned, we need to discuss security concerns. After your scare, you really do need a larger team for large venue.”

“It was just a misunderstanding. I was fine.” He regrets startling so badly at being grabbed at that Valentine’s gala, and if he could control his reaction, he wouldn’t have done it. He didn’t mean to make meeting his people even harder on himself.

“Whatever the circumstances, I think we learned a lesson there. A guard or two your own age is fine when you’re only making a brief appearance and your parents and their larger team is nearby, but we can’t expect Santana or Sam to handle the responsibility of your well-being for hours at a time in high stress, highly occupied areas where you’re the center of attention. We can’t take any chances. Really, it means you’ve outgrown the care needed for a child, and that should please you, right? You’re growing up, and you should have a grown up security team. Even if it means making some adjustment to your plans.”

Emma speaks so gently, and Blaine can't tell if she's bracing him for more disappointment or if he's forgotten what anything besides a long, detailed 'no' sounds like coming from her.

“The thing is, most businesses don’t want an entire security team causing them troubles without something in return, like publicity, which an establishment like this doesn’t want given how many of their young clientele might have unsupportive families. I know you hate hearing how young you are, but your peers are young too, and we have to protect them. It's a lovely idea for you to spend time with people your own age, but I don't think we can make it happen this year. Maybe when you're 21."

Blaine holds in a laugh. More waiting. Of course there's more waiting. He sighs instead. “What am I allowed to do?”

“There’s been rumor of a surprise party.” Emma holds a finger to her lips with a mischievous glint in her eye.

“At the palace,” Blaine guesses wistfully. Some days he feels like a songbird in a cage. The best he can do is exist behind the bars of the palace gate and inspire without interacting.

"It’s not your ideal, but even if face to face is a challenge, there's so much you can do being who you are."

"Everything except leave." There’s only so much pouting he can do without convincing himself and everyone around him he’s being a brat, and he’s almost too old for that, so he thanks Emma for her time and excuses himself to pout in private.

In Blaine’s ideal reality, he would have found someone within a year of his grandfather’s promise to allow marriage equality should Blaine fall in love. A year seems like a reasonable amount of time in which to do something big. One day, after searching the whole kingdom, he would happen upon perfection personified, who would say the only thing he needed from Blaine would be his hand. 

In Blaine’s actual reality, he has no idea what he’s doing or how to make the future he wants happen.

Kurt will come to the palace for a ‘surprise’ party if Blaine asks, but it'll seem like a date. The thought simultaneously warms Blaine’s heart and terrifies him. He hasn't figured out what he wants, and time hasn't helped. Kurt’s wooing has been charming. Kurt himself is more distractingly adorable each time Blaine sees him. Easily impressed. Easily flustered. He has bumbled his way through a handful of encounters, looking hopeful but not pushing as they walk around the grounds, close to each other’s side, hands turned toward each other but not touching. 

But is he the right choice to charm the king and the rest of the kingdom into advancing LGBT rights? Imagined voiceovers from Emma or his grandfather mar their not-quite dates.

_He's so young._

_You act so young with him._

_Musical theatre is too frivolous. Even Cooper couldn't pursue it and be taken seriously. It'll have to be a hobby. Are you ready to ask him to make that trade?_

_How does he feel about teen marriage?_

_What kind of world leader spends his time obsessing over fashion contests and celebrity gossip?_

Who will take them seriously together, giggling over what makeover they'd give to news anchors? Santana describes them as foals on ice together, tentative and falling and coaxing each other back up. Cooper reassures Blaine that they're adorable together, "like every puppy love cliché wrapped up in a rainbow." Wes more frankly reminds Blaine that Emma will coax them both through media training should their relationship progress.

And of course the media matters. Kurt is finally leaving his bullies behind with no need for new ones that will sit behind news desks – or on a throne – and tear him apart. 

Time keeps ticking by. The longer he waits, the more his kingdom has to wait for marriage equality.

Blaine wanders away from Emma’s office in thought, heading to the kitchens for a sugary pick-me-up. The kitchen staff adores him and might let him sneak into dessert ahead of schedule. Instead of cookies, he catches his grandfather occupied with a cup of coffee in the kitchen and decides to demand his grandfather’s attention without requesting a formal audience.

"Who do you see me with?"  Blaine asks.

The king levels him with a warning look and says, dead serious, "Someone with a filter." 

Blaine fusses over making his own coffee, hands glad for an excuse to keep busy. The king doesn't like nonsense, which Blaine too often feels like he is. Blaine looks up at the man he’s named after. The skin on his hands is thin. Not many people see him this close to tell. Age has left the look of a permanent scowl on his face. He’s also fond of all his grandchildren despite his gruffness, so Blaine presses on.

"It's been on my mind. I assume it's on yours, since you agreed to move forward with marriage equality when the time comes, and you have to have some political pieces in place." Blaine perches on the counter, hooking his ankles together and letting his legs swing.  He can reach the top shelf with his father's favorite blends this way and the biscotti Cooper hides from him. 

"You're too young. You have a few more years before I take anything you do seriously."

"But I'm almost 18. It's been, like, two years." His protests come out a whine. 

"Possibly a decade," the king amends with a glint in his eye. 

Blaine hides his pout behind a sip of coffee (a perfectly adult beverage thank you very much). "But if you weren't too busy thinking that, what would you think?"

King Devon’s look of mild irritation reminds Blaine of Wes. "I have a kingdom to run. You're not a teenage girl; you have better things to focus on."

"So do teenage girls, but that doesn't mean it doesn't matter." Blaine tilts his head proudly for making his point. 

The king eyes the contents of his still steaming mug. "I once told my daughters they were too silly for anyone to want to marry, so I guess there's hope for you."

Blaine swings his legs. “But…”

“Stop asking me what I want.” He leaves with his coffee before Blaine can protest any further. Blaine thinks ungracious thoughts about his grandfather’s advice. Maybe he should request a formal audience to be taken seriously after all.

***

They hold a farewell sleepover in Rachel’s room, all crammed onto her four-poster bed with a bowl of popcorn and M&Ms between them. They lounge in pajamas and slippers. The TV is on and ignored.

“Last 12 hours in Lima!” Tina cheers with a can of diet coke. In the morning the Berrys will load up Rachel, and Rachel and Kurt will return for his things before setting out on the road.

Kurt clinks his can with Tina’s.

“It’ll be so exciting to set out on our own! No one to answer to. Just us and our dreams.” Rachel has her conquer the world through a song and a smile look. 

“You’re hoping for royalty sightings,” Mercedes observes. “You know it’s a big city, and it’s not like he’ll be behind you in line buying toothpaste.”

Rachel’s pointed look she shares with Kurt is not subtle. So far, Rachel has said nothing about Kurt’s unusual friendship with the prince, but sleepovers like this where gossip is currency always make him worry that something will slip. 

Kurt motions for her to keep her mouth shut. It’s also not subtle.

“Anyway, I got you a magazine for old times sake. Don’t you dare pretend you aren’t interested.” Mercedes waggles the latest edition of _Entertainment Magazine_ at him. The cover reads, _“A (Future) King Comes of Age,”_ and Prince Blaine looks as handsome as ever in a split image with a young Blaine with wide eyes and a curious tilt of his head toward his photographer on one side and a recent picture of Blaine waving sweetly at the camera on the other. He seems genuine even with the paparazzi.

They gather around to coo over the article’s pictures of Blaine throughout the years. The ones from his childhood are sparse and limited to public functions with his family, sometimes shy and sometimes oblivious to being watched. Recent years have Blaine in the spotlight, beginning around a screenshot of Blaine’s coming out video with Cooper’s arm around him and looking more nervous than he has ever seemed in public since. 

Tina plucks the magazine from Mercedes’ grasp and begins reading.

_“It’s unusual, to say the least, for a younger brother to beat his elder in the line of succession. Under different circumstances, Prince Blaine would grow up in his brother’s shadow. As the youngest grandchild but second in line to the throne, Prince Blaine grew up used to being taken care of, if not outright coddled by the royal family….”_

Kurt bristles on Blaine’s behalf.

_“…especially by Prince Cooper and Prince Wes, who were almost always seen by his side throughout his carefully guarded childhood. However, palace staff willing to speak to_ Entertainment Magazine _described him with fond and reverent pet names – ‘darling,’ ‘sweetheart,’ and, of course, the inevitable ‘charming.’”_

Rachel nudges Kurt and mouths ‘charming’ at him.

_“Prince Blaine’s most scandalous stage came at age 16 when his brother nudged him out of the closet in a It Gets Better video, making Prince Blaine the first openly gay member of the royal family. The video launched a media frenzy. At last, a member of the royal family provided the closest thing to a scandal since Prince Cooper’s teenage indiscretions or Princess Mila’s fashion trends. While the palace did not take an official stance on his homosexuality, the open adoration from at least some of his family members remained. Prince Blaine has since accompanied his mother on nearly all her official appearances, charming his way through charity events and children’s hospitals._

_“Since his coming out, a scandal is hard to find._ ” Tina interrupts herself to ask, “Do you think he’ll start to be interesting once he’s 18?”

Kurt prickles. “He’s interesting now.”

“He’s so wholesome. Where are the juicy gossip stories? And I mean the ones that have a chance of coming true, not like that tabloid article about a love affair with John Stamos. I just want one skinny dipping incident caught on camera.”

“You better _hope_ he’s 18 then,” Mercedes laughs.

“I mean, what else has he done? All we hear about is charity events and singing to sick kids and puppets. He needs to live a little." 

Kurt is about to protest that Blaine wouldn’t be so careless as to star in a scandal, but the Blaine he knows just might be.

"Everything he does is scrutinized. You'd be boring too," Rachel chides.

Kurt is really glad he never told Rachel about the vibrator incident.

The TV in the background catches his attention. As usual, Kurt perks up at the sound of royalty news, but he assumes he either mishears “ _Queen Mila”_ or that the announcer misspeaks – Blaine’s grandparents are king and queen, not his parents. He spares a glance at the screen.

_Hospital confirms death of King Devon_

He stares at the TV in shock. 

It takes his friends a moment to realize he’s dropped out of the conversation. Rachel turns up the volume.

_“King Devon’s death comes as a surprise, at least to the public.”_

"Is this for real?" Rachel changes the channel despite Mercedes’ protests. The next news channel has a similar message. 

“ _We’re_ s _tanding by for a message from the royal family_ ,” a reporter outside the palace gate announces.

“But he seemed fine!” Tina says. “Do you think they covered that up?”

Mercedes shakes her head. “I don’t think it means a thing other than sometimes people leave you sooner than you’d like.”

Prince Anderson is the one who greets the cameras. The way he holds himself reminds Kurt of Blaine the few times he has caught Blaine on an off day where his usual confidence is replaced with tentativeness. He eyes the swarm of newscasters that surround the gate, microphones shoved toward him. 

“That’s how you know something is wrong. Seeing Prince Anderson is like seeing the yeti,” Tina says, and she has a point. He’s notoriously camera shy.

“It’s King Consort Anderson now.” Rachel corrects. “Prince Blaine is now the crown prince. That’s so crazy.”

“ _This is a difficult time for our family,”_ King Anderson says hesitantly to the camera _. “We, as a kingdom, need to respectfully give each other time to mourn, whether we seek out community or take time to ourselves for private reflection_. _I know the kingdom feels uncertain at this unexpected news, but please hold off on speculation, give us time to adjust, and be kind to each other._ ”

He waves off all following questions and retreats back through the gates.

The cameras turn back to the news anchor. _“A funeral and a coronation are now in the works, although the coronation ceremony may take as long as a year to plan.”_

Kurt wonders fleetingly what she'll wear.

" _Princess Mila - excuse me, Queen Mila - will take over the late king’s responsibilities immediately, and the Queen Mother likely will aid in an unofficial capacity_.”

“ _The accession of the new queen marks the beginning of a new era with power transitioning to the late king's multiracial brood and his gay grandson is a heartbeat away from ruling.”_

_“A date for the funeral has not been set, but will likely overshadow Prince Blaine’s 18 th birthday plans.”_

Tina flips through the news channels. They run out of facts they haven't already said and quickly turn to speculation to fill the time. 

_“King Devon never made a public statement either supporting or detracting Prince Blaine’s public announcement of his homosexuality in a homemade video that his brother then posted to YouTube. Queen Mila, beloved by gays and metrosexuals, openly adores her gay son, and some speculate that her first act as queen just might be a win for marriage equality.”_

Kurt bolts upright. It’s just gossip that’s no more reliable because it’s on TV, but it plants more hope than wild speculations from his friends could.

_"Politically, the situation is a little tricky, because immediate action makes it seem like she was just waiting for her father to die.”_

_"Have an idea of what Queen Mila’s first act should be? Call in!”_

_“Which members of the royal family are in mourning and which are plotting their next move? Stay tuned for further detail.”_

_“How suspicious are the circumstances of his death? Like, is there anyone to blame?”_

The news coverage just keeps cycling into the night. Tina leans into Mercedes’ shoulder and is the first but not the last to threaten to fall asleep. They push away the forgotten popcorn bowl it felt too disrespectful to eat from during coverage of the king’s death and settle into Rachel’s bed with the TV still on.

Kurt sneaks away once his friends start to nod off. The rest of the Berrys’ house is dark and he feels like a child out of bed after bedtime, but he makes his way to the kitchen and transgresses further by perching on their counter as he pulls up Blaine’s contact info on his phone. Texting is too impersonal, but who knows if Blaine is up for a phone call. Kurt hits dial anyway.

The sound that greets him on the other line is more choking than words.

“Blaine?” Kurt pauses for a moment with no indication that he’s been heard. “I'm sorry for your loss, and I'm sorry if this isn't a good time.”

He’s met with more silence. If he strains, he thinks he can hear Blaine breathe.

“You answered because it’s not polite to ignore a call, didn’t you? You can hang up if you don’t want to be on the phone right now. It’s okay.”

The silence stays. Kurt takes it as proof enough that Blaine wants him around.

He lets the silence stretch longer as he thinks of what to say where Blaine won’t have to respond, and then it stretches too long, so he starts babbling. “I’m at Rachel’s house. You remember Rachel from the gala? You don’t have to answer that. We’re having a sleepover. It’s kind of a last hurrah thing. There’s lots of sugar.”

Kurt wants to tell Blaine he’s moving to the capitol, but stops himself short. It doesn’t come close to making up for a family member dying. He’s fine being a present, but he won’t be a consolation prize. He skips over the reason for the sleepover and charges ahead.

“We became friends over you. I think told you that already. I suspect my obsession with you convinced her I was lonely.” He can laugh at how hard he clung to any news of Blaine now. Somehow Blaine’s face on magazines made him feel less lonely. “She understood being lonely too. I don't think she had any friends. That's what she said, and I can't see her lying for attention about that. Anyway, It's hard to guess who's going to be there for you, but Rachel’s very determined. All of a sudden she was always by my side. She’d show up at my house uninvited just to talk. She’s usually too driven to waste time like that, but we’d spend hours that way. I don’t think she even – I mean, you’re wonderful, and of course she cares about you, but she listened because you matter to me. I knew it but I’d let her egg me on.”

Kurt leans back against the Berry’s kitchen cabinets as he settles into the story.

“She used to send me that video of you on that kid’s show to cheer me up. I kept them all. I literally created an e-mail folder for it. It’s all the same link, it’s not like I need that many versions with different cutesy titles full of exclamation points and emoticons, but I can see how many times she did that for me. I don’t even need the video to feel cheered up. I just look in the folder.”

He can hear Blaine’s breathing even out and soften throughout his babbling. When they both trail off he asks Blaine if he’s still awake, and earns a soft "thank you" in response. 

"Do you want me to keep talking?"

Blaine hums affirmatively. 

Kurt stays up and talks of nothing until Blaine falls asleep. 

***

Blaine tries to be around if he's needed. He's mostly in the way instead. His own grief threatens to take over if he doesn't keep himself occupied somehow. There’s so much to do and very little he can help with. Cooper withdraws, mute in favor of saying the wrong, inappropriately upbeat thing. Queen Mila is a tornado of commands to keep her kingdom running and then bursts into tears the first time Emma calls her ‘your majesty,’ so she bides her time until she's ready for the public to see her. 

King Anderson takes over public appearances. In a span of a few days he speaks more than he has in years. For once, he doesn't protest being thrown onto the spotlight. There's no one else who can be trusted in front of a camera. He carries the weight of the responsibility in his shoulders. He slumps, drained, against Queen Mila side. 

No one asks Blaine to speak, and for once Blaine doesn't want to fight for the right to be heard. 

***

Kurt and Rachel pause to admire the place they'll call home.  The boxes pile in the center of the living room. Stark white walls wait to be covered with a little paint and a lot of captured memories. They'll start squabbling over a theme soon, but it'll stay blank until then. 

"We made it," she breathes as she takes it all in. she reaches for his hand.

“Well, I am pretty good at driving.”

She playfully swats his wrist. “Let me be sappy!”

Their apartment is on the fourth floor; Kurt doesn’t think there’s a building in all of Lima that has more than three stories. The air feels different. He breathes a little easier when not corralled into tight spaces with people who actively hate him. It’s all a little much to process.

“Let’s go see our new home.” Kurt tilts his head toward the door. Maybe if he overwhelms himself with his new surroundings it will all sink in.

The city around them is in mourning. They walk past storefronts displaying memorials and flags at half-mast. Cafes play the news instead of sports games. Kurt used to love any news on the royal family, but now it's all tinted with tragedy.

They follow the train of flowers and candles to the palace gate. News crews are parked along the path, cameras at the ready to capture nothing of interest.

“All events have been canceled. I bet he’s there,” Rachel says.

“And possibly wants to be alone.” He waits for word from Blaine, but nothing has come since their night of babbling and silence. 

“Kurt. You know Blaine by now. Has he ever wanted to be alone?” Rachel pushes him forward.

Captain Beiste recognizes him and lets him through the gate.

***

Blaine sits on the floor at the foot of the throne in the room he used to be afraid to enter. The floor is icy under his touch, leaving him feeling numb or pain-prickly in cycles. The whole room is kept too cold under the assumption that it will be full of those looking for guidance. With his grandfather gone, it’s the one room guaranteed to be empty. The whole palace is heavy with mourning. His mother is tense and even Cooper is silent. Blaine is afraid to burden anyone with his own feelings, so he retreats.

All public audiences are canceled for the day. Blaine doesn’t expect anyone from outside the palace. Captain Beiste knows not to let anyone through. Kurt walks through the doors to the throne room, light behind him pouring into the darkened room, and for a moment Blaine thinks he dozed off.

“Emma said to find you here. If you don’t want to be found, I’ll turn right around.”

Blaine looks up in a daze. It’s an out Blaine doesn’t want to take. He messed up his hair running his hand through it. He tries to fix it through the same method and wipes at his eyes discretely. 

Kurt isn't tentative with Blaine as he slides by his side, and he doesn't come with a wild display of grief on Blaine’s behalf. He's calm and quiet, offering his presence and gentle empathy like he did the other night on their phone call where Blaine had nothing to say. 

“You came all this way.” Blaine’s overwhelmed with the urge to tear up again. His emotions are a mess. 

"You got me through one of the harder times in my life." Kurt states it as a fact. “It's only fair to be here for you."

“Everything is going to change.” Blaine finds himself babbling.  “He was king my whole life; it was normal. My mom isn't known for being quiet, but now she's.... Not here. Maybe she's mourning. Or maybe this is what enormous responsibility does. I mean, her face is going to be on money!”

He has a weird urge to giggle that rivals the urge to cry. Maybe his mom will never go back to the way he remembers her. Maybe nothing will.

"It's so selfish that I'm most sad about what I wanted from him. He promised me, and....” Blaine catches himself before spilling all the details of a secret he doesn’t know if he’ll ever be able to tell. “He wasn't great at expressing affection, but it meant something that he was going to do that for me, and now it's never going to happen." 

“Do what?” Kurt looks curious in spite of himself.

"It's this fantasy that I've allowed myself to build, where I drag someone by the hand to meet him, right here, in this room, and say ‘this is what I want for the rest if my life. This is the future I want.’ And he's there to say he'll make it so. My mom will... It's not like it's not going to happen now that he's not around to keep his promise. But I didn't want it to happen because he's dead.”

His voice is full of tears. His mom won't need proof that he's in love to do the right thing, but he wanted to give his grandfather an opportunity to believe in him. He won't know what his grandfather would've though of Kurt – and of course he’s picturing Kurt clearly in that scene now that it can’t happen. He worried about taking too long, but he didn't expect running out of time like this. 

Kurt squeezes his hand.

"Maybe if I hadn't been so afraid...." Blaine twists to see Kurt better and Kurt moves with him. Their knees knock together. Blaine’s not sure who's to blame. 

As much as he wanted to be the catalyst in making change, a huge weight is lifting off his shoulders that he won't have to be. If he doesn't have to care about earning anyone else's approval - not yet -, if their relationship can just be for them, without time constraints that require him to plan for the rest of his life when it's barely begun, if he can think selfishly, it suddenly becomes clear what he wants.

Blaine puts his usual lack of filter to good use. He can blame his breathlessness and the shake in his voice on the circumstances. "Having you right by my side is the most comforting thing I can think of. I don't know what the future holds, but I want to believe you're right there with me."

It's so clear to him how badly he wants Kurt. He isn’t going to miss his chance with Kurt if he can.

His breath is too loud in his own ears. He searches Kurt’s expression for a sign that he's not too late. He wants to believe he's reading desire into Kurt’s parted lips and is not just making things up in his head. 

He hesitates too long, but then Kurt is kissing him.

***

Blaine isn’t shy, which Kurt really should have been able to predict given their brief history. He still flushes prettily. His long eyelashes cast shadows on his cheeks when he ducks his head. Kurt immediately wants to kiss him again.

The warmth in his chest reminds Kurt of the few times he drank alcohol, pouring through him too strong too much too soon. The haze in his mind is similar too.

He knows it’s logistically possibly to kiss and breathe at the same time – Rachel’s subscription to _Cosmo_ , a distant second to actual experience, informs him so – but he’s too overwhelmed for air to feel like it provides something he needs when he has Blaine’s lips and Blaine’s heat and Blaine’s hand on his cheek to hold him close. He gasps and his words don’t have the proper support when he tries to form them.

He takes Blaine’s hand instead.

When he leaves, Kurt passes the same crowd of paparazzi at the gate as on the way in. A few flashes go off before they realize he’s no one. He’s still the most exciting thing they’ve seen all day.

He skips home.

The feeling that he’s floating lasts until he starts winding down for the day. Kurt makes himself comfortable on the bare carpeted floor of his new apartment, kicking up his feet and narrowly missing a stack of unpacked boxes as he idly browses gossip sites on his phone just to sigh at how handsome his boyfriend - boyfriend! - is in all his candid shots. He should've brought his royal news scrapbooks after all. 

He sees himself in a ‘recommended’ link on the sidebar and it’s a surreal moment.

_It this the same guy?_

A picture of Kurt leaving the palace earlier that day is posted alongside a grainy cell phone picture of his and Blaine’s shared dance at the gala. It’s idle chatter, nothing more, picked up on a gossip sit from someone’s blog, but Kurt’s sweat turns cold when he sees. The focus on the royal family, combined with very little news from them as they stay within the palace walls to plan a funeral, makes whoever comes and goes a point of interest. 

He unsuccessfully puts it out of mind for a few hours before checking back. In response to the article, someone posts a video of Kurt shoving Karofsky away from Blaine as a third proof point.

_It this the same guy?_

It doesn’t matter that it was years ago: the story he feared would surface finally has. He debates whether to call Emma or Blaine first.


End file.
